Thursday, September 13, 2007

Going down on Ben and Matt

Welcome to Boston, a city rich with history and culture. Come see the famous Boston Commons, visit the holocaust memorial. See Fenway Park, home of the Red Sox. See the city from one of the wonderful Duck Tours. How about Faneuil Hall? While you're here, stop off in Cambridge, where Ben Affleck and Matt Damon will now have intersections named after them.

You read right. These two "natives" are getting intersections named after them. In a state that saw the lives of Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Jack Kerouac, John Adams and son, and a good majority of the other founding fathers; and these two get a god damned intersection named after them?

Thank God! I was running out of reasons to hate it here. What's next? What else are they going to pull on our fair people? It's bad enough that the cost of living has made Boston a haven for yuppies and scum of the like, but now this? Gigli Boulevard? Bourne Parkway? Smokin' Aces Community Free Clinic.

Sure, we had that whole throwing tea into a harbor thing, but this is truly a defiant "Fuck You" in the face of everyone. Maybe I'm wrong here, but am I the only one disgusted by this? It wouldn't surprise me, being the only person in the state who thought "The Departed" was a massive pile of runny shit.

Ben: You were married to Jlo for like a week and your movies suck. Deep throat a shotgun.
Matt: "The Good Shepard" was the worst 2 hours and 38 minutes of my life, catch a bullet with your face.

Fuck Your Intersections.

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