Thursday, August 30, 2007

You only live once

It turns out I did get accepted and went to my orientation,disregard the rest of this blog.
I didn't get accepted to college. This was the last resort. If this blog isn't updated after today, I've killed myself.

Thanks for reading.

Hans Strongo

PS:Fuck Your Blog

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Nevermind the Pakis, here's MY computer support.

After Itunes inevitably went ultra gay on me, I decided to restart my computer after many months. What's this? A black screen? A black fucking screen? Yes, your pretty Windows XP logo is cute, but where's my god damn desktop? Where's my leet wall paper? Where are my icons?! Where's the task bar and clock?!?!

Don't do this to me,baby. We can work it out. I'll buy you an ice cream if you work. I'll stop looking at other computers. It was one time, one fucking time! You know I'd never replace you. We've been through so much together, don't do this to me now.

You fucking cunt! Start or I'll fucking kill you! I swear to God I'll smash you into a thousand pieces, not even your mother board will be able to identify you. You like that bitch? Cold boot, in your fucking face.



Safe mode? Work! Oh my God please work. Yes. Yes! To when the times were good, go there! Do it! Do it!

And now we wait..



Yes! You're my fucking bitch! I own you! You work for me!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Eternal Sellout of the Myspace Kind.

In an effort to whore my blog some more, I got a myspace. Yeah, yeah..I know. They are eternally gay and forever will be, but traffic! Fucking traffic! C'mon!

So yeah, if you're interested, my thing is at and send me a friend request. Join the Fuck Your Blog army and all that.

In other news, I put in my 2 week notice at Burger King, where I've been working for the past couple months. It seems like the shittiest job in the world, and it is, but there's certain things that make it not so shitty. Perhaps the one that sticks out most in my mind is not really giving a fuck whether I get fired or not. If you haven't had a job like that, I suggest you get one before you die, you won't regret it.

Another important aspect of working there is sluts. There are a lot of sluts in Weymouth. As the old saying goes: "Girls in Weymouth will have sex with you" and they will. Even with my lower than low standards, there are a few I wouldn't touch with a pool skimmer, attached to a yard stick,attached to another man's penis... but that's to be expected.

Having a cool boss helped, and the fact that there are some supple barely (not quite) legal hunnies for which to gaze upon while working. These few are the exception to the skanks mentioned above. Sweet girls, untarnished by their town's reputation. That plays a large factor in the "Hans Strongo wants to defile your body" scheme. Luckily, with the absence of occupational responsibility and a lax sexual harassment policy, my advances are given the freedom they need to possibly blossom into that drunken night those poor naive girls will look back on in disgust many years from now.

I will bid the kingdom good bye, leaving with a sense of satisfaction, 3/4 of a gallon of marinara sauce, and about a pound of mozzarella cheese, which is also how I'd imagine the morning after sex with Rachel Ray would be.

I don't get it either...

Friday, August 17, 2007

Rock Bottom

When you say "Fuck the Towel" and aim for the floor,
subconsciously reminding yourself to avoid that
patch of carpet in the morning. You never do.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Srs Bsnss!

Two weeks ago, at quarter past three in the morning, while the quiet city of Quincy slept comfortably. I lurked, under the cover of darkness to the porno store to return my delinquent rentals. I'm not going to lie, atleast one of those DVDs was entitled "Elbow deep,100% hardcore fisting" but that's beside the point.

I swept through the suburban utopia, pulling my trench coat up above my ears in an attempt to mask the shame that showed in my face. Ok, actually it was my hoodie, and I would have had the hood up if it wasn't hot enough already.

Finally, I arrived at the Night Deposit box. I had to act as if I was engaged in some sort of conversation on my cellphone, as a car drove by just as I was about to relinquish myself of the smut. At long last, my pornography was returned safe and sound, and two days late (still no late fees though, awesome!)

In other news, I signed up for college. New England Institute of Art. I'm to be a full blown art fag, in the field of graphic design. As you can see by all of my pictures, I know quite a bit about photoshop. Or atleast putting words over pictures, that I can certainly do. I met with a guy today and I have to write some essay about why I chose graphic design, which I'm putting off doing because I don't feel like it.

I didn't care for the amount of guys in girl pants, but I guess I'll have to adjust if I want to make fat loot fucking with photoshop though. The sacrifices I make..

My break from the internet is now over. I'm back full swing until September. That means I'll be socializing again in real life! Which means back to binge drinking and all that good stuff. Because of this, I'll be turning my basement into a pirate bar. That's right, a fucking pirate bar! Pirate stuff, pirate flags, a bar... Pirate Bar! So for you readers who know me in real life, give a call to my cellphone on Friday, this time I'll probably answer.