Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Back by Popular demand

After a short hiatus and brief mental breakdown, your favorite (maybe at least like, top 10?) blogger is back with a brand new invention. Well, ok... I didn't invent anything, but something does grab a hold of me nightly and I DO flow like a har..

No! No more Vanilla Ice. He died, and it's for the good of the world.

Vanilla Ice didn't actually die, but it's a good idea to make up rumors about obscure celebrities dying. Vanilla Ice is actually a really bad example, since most people would just be like "The dude who did 'Ice, Ice, Baby' and then went on to be some sort of wannabe hardcore act? Fuck him."

Use lesser hated, and yet more random celebrities, like as follows.


You:"Dude, did you hear about Andrea Barber?"

Unsuspecting person:"Who the fuck is Andrea Barber?"

You:"Kimmie Gibbler from Full House, don't you remember?"

Unsuspecting (though now intrigued) person:"Oh yeah.... What happened?"

[This is where it counts, and the most important part of your utter and pointless lie.]

You: "They found her heroin saturated corpse hanging from the rafters of her home in Wichita. Supposedly, she left a note, but they haven't released anything yet..."

U-P:"Holy shit... that's fucked man..."

Hook, line, and sinker; you reeled yourself a big ol' gullible mouth bass. By using obscure celebrities, particularly those who have stayed out of the lime light for a while, you create closure.By associating a character to the name, you establish connection to your target's memory.Make sure to include a place of death; if you've got a decent grasp on geography, pick a nice place you expect someone whose career died before the did to live. The 'details' of their death show that YOU are an authority, and the more elaborate, the more it becomes not only believable, but you convince that person that they must just be out of the loop, almost guaranteeing this bogus info will be passed along upon said dolt's next trip to the market,PTA meeting, or Brothel.

Why should you lie about celebrities? Well... They're scum. Deep down, everyone loves when movie stars (Or the annoying neighbor from beloved early 90's sitcoms) die. Just make sure you do it with style, sophistication, and a straight face.

Until next time you lovely little sunflowers.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Take this blog and shove it.

I'm done.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks for nothing.

"And in the final moments, with his last living breath, he shouted hoarsely : 'Fuck Your Blog.' That was the last we saw of Hans Strongo, the villain supreme."

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Scuba diving and politics don't mix.

Holy shit, someone hasn't been updating this...

And that someone is me!

Yeah, sorry lady and gentleman, I've been busy. Art school and all that shit.

Summer Sanders. Anyone remember that chick? She was an Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer who went on to host Nickelodeon's 1997 Smash hit "Figure it Out." Why would I bring up something like this? Clearly you haven't been reading this bullshit from the beginning.

In other news... Well, ok, there is no other news. I'm pushing myself to update this thing while not doing my "Life Drawing" final. There you have it, folks. Hans Strongo is all about his fan(s) and irresponsible at the same time. Like you couldn't figure the last one out.

Semester is over in about two weeks. Expect updates more frequently, and MAYBE, just maybe.. Something special in the near future. For now, I'm going to get back to watching Lifetime movies, which is the only place you can find Shannon Doherty since Rose McGowan took her spot on Charmed. Or was that the other chick? Not Sam from "Who's the Boss?" but there's another chick. Is it Courney Cox? Was she on Charmed?

Another stunning revelation: Hans Strongo does not watch Charmed regularly enough. We're just breaking down the barriers here today! I guess I owe it to ye faithful few who visit this page every day, hoping to satiate that nagging Strongo fix. To keep up with all these dark secrets revealed, I can't make a cursive "Z" or "Q" and don't plan to ever learn. Third grade was trying enough without having to absorb that jazz.

In entertainment news: "There Will Be Blood" wasn't that great. It was as if the title was reassurance to those curious parties who didn't bother with it in theaters. Much to the dismay of haematophiliacs everywhere, the aforementioned blood was scant at best. It may have been because I wasn't paying much attention, or that it really sucked as much as I thought, but yeah, don't waste your time, money, or hard drive space on these garbages.

Alright, I feel like I've fulfilled my obligation. To all of you read this thing, leave a fucking comment or something. Sheesh, talk about lack of motivation...