Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Oscillate Wildly

If you look around the site, you may notice I added another level of obnoxious to the color scheme, I felt the place needed some sprucing up. I'll fix it at some point, maybe next year. I down played the whole New Year thing because at the time, I was committed to not doing anything new. No big resolution or anything like that, but as luck (and my commitment to goals) would have it, I caved.

I have a bunch of little goals in mind, but fuck them, they suck. The one I'm focusing on with the little attention I have is getting into shape. It's not an easy task, but after finding some old pictures of myself (at 190 lbs) it hit me: You were great looking! While I've tried before in the past to remotivate myself into a slimmer state, this time's for real. I say this because I'm already three weeks into the madness that is "Being Healthy."

"But Hans... You smoke cigarettes, you don't eat fruit, and you're constantly staying up for days at a time. How are YOU healthy?"

Well, lets just say it's healthy the Strongo way... No one cares how much cholesterol they have or whether or not they're getting enough potassium in their diet. The real issue at hand is how they look. People who DO care about what they eat and put into their body and all that other silly shit, well, they are already attractive and well liked. Me? I've lost 9 lbs in 22 days by eating Frosted Mini Wheats, salads, and tofu. Do I get the recommended daily amounts of Vitamin D? Who knows? Do my pants fit better? You bet your flabby ass that all this talk of fitness makes you feel guilty about...

"Hans; you're being ridiculous. You've got a good personality, that's what people care about. And your sense of humor...."

That's enough out of you Devil's advocate/voice in my head(blog). You're fucking wrong. Personality is great, but it's what seperates the father to be from the "Hold my bag while I try on this vibrator." You might be the funniest guy alive, but without some modicum of "Dayum he lookin' fine *tripple snap*" then you're simply comic relief. You will be commissioned forever to make caddy comments during tv shows with your "Girlfriends."

This is my defiant fist into the vag of societies standards. Yes, I aware I am totally falling victim to the age old trend of hating myself via poor self image, but I want to look good in my own eyes as well. These past few years of being out of shape have given me the edge I need to go straight to the top. Married women, recently widowed women. No longer will I settle for the drunk chick that bites when you make out with her (though if you're reading this, give me a call...) when I have my God-Like Physique. Mark my words, loyal fan...

Suck my personality,world.

Strongo-1, Calories-0