Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Hated in the Nation

I tried as hard as I could, even playing along for the jinx factor. Sadly, the Red Sox are in the world series. This could be the end of our fair city as I know it. Sure, Boston is rife with crime, decay, poverty, and yuppies. Now on top of train delays and weather that changes more frequently than some sort of frequently changing machine, the city is faced with an army of popped collars, pre-faded jeans, flip flops, and 'vintage' style hats.

A plague of miscreants, leaving their nice suburban homes and office jobs to brave Landsdowne St for their favorite team. And no, there's nothing wrong with that, I have nothing against a group of over paid, over appreciated guys who get paid gross amounts of money for doing something they love (bitter?). It's the fact that these people (and I use that term loosely) act like the biggest douches on the planet.

MOVE INTO THE FUCKING TRAIN! Pretty much common sense right? To a Red Sox fan, when the train driver says "Please move into the train so that others may board" it means "Eeeeey, stand by the doo'ah, guy. It's gahnna be wicked pissah,dood!"

Oh, I'm sorry your kid has a broken leg. Maybe you should have left them at home instead of bringing them to a baseball game? No sir, I'll not give up my seat for your defective kid. It's every man for himself on the train, and Red Sox fans get absolutely no sympathy from me. Don't want to be crammed next to another dude? Sure, I don't either, but it doesn't make you gay. The way you idolize an athlete, now that's leaning a bit on the homo-scale.

If my memory serves me well, the Yankees played the Indians for their shot at whatever we played the Angels for. So then, shouting "Yankees Suck" at the top of your lungs from Park Street to Kenmore served what purpose? And um.. haven't they won like 4x the amount of World Series we have? This is our second time being here in 20 years, don't get so god damn cocky.

Being the nice guy I am, I revamped the logo for you Red Sox Nation types. Please, feel free to use it, embrace it, love it. You all have certainly earned it with your boy crushes on large Dominican men, over used(and factually inaccurate) slogans, improper T etiquette, and general failure to be decent human beings. Enjoy my lovelies

Yes, a Vulcanite Anal douche, sounds very Star Trek but you've earned it. No really, no need to thank me, it's all for you Red Sox Gay-tion. If the Red Sox lose the series, I'll personally assist in any way I can in a mass suicide, honestly, it'd be my pleasure. I'll dispense the Kool-aid right on Yawkey way for yas.

Bunch o' cunts.

1 comment:

Lauren said...

Thank you, sir...