Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Back by Popular demand

After a short hiatus and brief mental breakdown, your favorite (maybe at least like, top 10?) blogger is back with a brand new invention. Well, ok... I didn't invent anything, but something does grab a hold of me nightly and I DO flow like a har..

No! No more Vanilla Ice. He died, and it's for the good of the world.

Vanilla Ice didn't actually die, but it's a good idea to make up rumors about obscure celebrities dying. Vanilla Ice is actually a really bad example, since most people would just be like "The dude who did 'Ice, Ice, Baby' and then went on to be some sort of wannabe hardcore act? Fuck him."

Use lesser hated, and yet more random celebrities, like as follows.


You:"Dude, did you hear about Andrea Barber?"

Unsuspecting person:"Who the fuck is Andrea Barber?"

You:"Kimmie Gibbler from Full House, don't you remember?"

Unsuspecting (though now intrigued) person:"Oh yeah.... What happened?"

[This is where it counts, and the most important part of your utter and pointless lie.]

You: "They found her heroin saturated corpse hanging from the rafters of her home in Wichita. Supposedly, she left a note, but they haven't released anything yet..."

U-P:"Holy shit... that's fucked man..."

Hook, line, and sinker; you reeled yourself a big ol' gullible mouth bass. By using obscure celebrities, particularly those who have stayed out of the lime light for a while, you create closure.By associating a character to the name, you establish connection to your target's memory.Make sure to include a place of death; if you've got a decent grasp on geography, pick a nice place you expect someone whose career died before the did to live. The 'details' of their death show that YOU are an authority, and the more elaborate, the more it becomes not only believable, but you convince that person that they must just be out of the loop, almost guaranteeing this bogus info will be passed along upon said dolt's next trip to the market,PTA meeting, or Brothel.

Why should you lie about celebrities? Well... They're scum. Deep down, everyone loves when movie stars (Or the annoying neighbor from beloved early 90's sitcoms) die. Just make sure you do it with style, sophistication, and a straight face.

Until next time you lovely little sunflowers.

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