Saturday, May 16, 2009

This Ain't No Party, This Ain't No Disco...

I know, I know... Three or so months without an update and now here comes an update? I bet you're thinking "Oh man, he's going to pull out all the stops and have something truly amazing for me, because I'm a loyal fan." The proof is in the pudding, my friend.

I've got no pudding. I do have money though, the fruit of 102 hour pay periods(two weeks) which is what I'll blame my blog-neglect on. It's not that I had a personality crisis and couldn't seperate my online persona from real life and went through a bout of crippling depression... Don't be ridiculous! There's more to life than worrying about everything else, or being social, and if you're going to be social, there should be alcohol. I found out that despite my lack of Irish heritage, I enjoy Guiness quite a bit. I need to get over my misanthropic tendencies though, because apparently empty bars aren't as happening a time as I think. That'd be a good segway for my "Fuck what everyone else thinks, only my opinion matters" but much like the Boston Globe, I need readers.

The summer is coming, which means nothing good can possibly happen. The weather gets hotter, and after April eased the tip into the collective vagina of Massachusett's South Shore, I can confidently say that if you enjoyed it, you deserve to be beaten with a bag of dead puppies. I'm hoping Phase II takes off so I can fufill my dream of living out my years in Alaska or the Arctic circle, away from any temperatures over 60 degrees. What can I say, I don't like to be all sweaty and gross when I'm outside. I don't want to turn brown and get skin cancer, which is exactly what the sun does. You know what else is brown all you people who soak up those cancerous UV rays? Yeah.. shit, feces is brown. You're all shit...

"Hey Hans! I happen to love tanning. I even go sit in one of those oversized dildo looking booths in the off season and fry my flesh... You know, like every other stupid cunt does."

You like the heat? Get a fire. When you find some fire, die in it. There. I said it. This may rub some people the wrong way, but I've my my "Opinionated Hat" on (which is a proper noun and thus capitalization is required...) so yeah, eat a bushel of dicks. The hat does exist by the way, I'm not being clever. It's also been called by New Hampshire hat, douche bag hat, and "The Hat that some older chick hit on me in outside of 'The Half Door' some time a while ago." I'm not really a hat guy, considering my head is shaped so perfectly. Not wearing hats is my way of giving back to the world. You're welcome.

At any rate, I feel like I've met the required criteria for this little entry. Let me run through the checklist though:
  1. Random lyric from a song as title-Check (Talking Heads-Life During Wartime)
  2. Lame excuse for not updating-Yep. Work...
  3. Bitching about something out of my control- Fucking Sun...
  4. Misdirected anger- Tanning crowd (Bonus given for suggestion of violence)
  5. Random anectdotal run-on-Hat thing/getting hit on at "The Half Door"
Yeah, I think we're good here. I promise new entries will be added in a timely and eventual manner, at some point at some time, and possibly some real big changes. You'll just have to wait and see, now won't you... If you're seeing this at all that is. Leave some comments so I know my growing Solipsism isn't justified.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

the entry sucked.

Hans Strongo said...

Your face sucks...

Quicksilver said...

How I miss thee sir!

Hapi said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

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